In my daily work with children and parents, I encounter myths about the autism spectrum practically every week. Some of them are innocent — born of simple unfamiliarity. Some do real harm — they make parents blame themselves, delay diagnosis, or refuse to seek support, because “it’ll pass on its own”. I decided to gather the five most common beliefs I hear most often and to set each of them straight, one by one.
This is not a medical text. It is the conversation I would like to have with every parent who hears the word “spectrum” for the first time and feels the ground shifting beneath their feet.
Myth one: every person on the autism spectrum functions the same way
This is probably the most common misunderstanding. A parent who knows one adult on the spectrum will automatically assume they know what to expect from their own child. Or the other way around — they will compare their child with a child from preschool, see no “typical” autism, and reject the diagnosis.
The word “spectrum” is used deliberately. It is not a binary category, but a very wide band. One child will speak early and at length, but struggles to read peers’ emotions. Another will not say a word until the age of three, and at five will astonish us with their memory for facts. A third will function brilliantly in preschool but cannot tolerate the noise in a supermarket. Each of them is “on the spectrum” — and each of them functions differently.
What unites these children is a different way of processing sensory, social and emotional information. What divides them is almost everything else: temperament, strengths, interests, the level of support they need to feel well. That is why, as specialists, we always begin with the question “who is this particular child?”, and not “what works for autism?”. Because there is no single answer.
Myth two: you grow out of autism
I hear this sentence from grandmothers, neighbours, sometimes from paediatricians. “Let it go, he’ll grow out of it.” I would dearly love this to be true. It is not.
The autism spectrum is not a developmental phase or a delay that can be made up for. It is a different way the brain functions — a different way the nervous system receives, processes and interprets the world. It accompanies a person throughout their entire life, from the earliest months into old age.
What can change with age? The coping strategies. The social skills the child learns. Awareness of one’s own sensory needs. The ways in which a person on the spectrum learns to create safe conditions for themselves. Early and wise support really makes a difference — and that is precisely why early diagnosis and therapy exist. Not in order to “cure” autism, because there is nothing to cure, but so that the child learns to live in a neurotypical world without paying too high a psychological cost.
Waiting for it “to pass” is wasted time. The earlier the child receives appropriate support, the easier it is to build them solid foundations for the future.
Myth three: autism is the result of parenting mistakes
This is the myth that hurts parents most — especially mothers. They hear that they didn’t carry their child enough, returned to work too soon, gave too much screen time, gave too little, were too cool, were too overprotective. Everyone has a theory. And every one of those theories breaks the parent’s heart as they try to figure out what they “did wrong”.
Let me say this clearly: the autism spectrum is neurodevelopmentally determined. That means its origins lie in how the child’s brain develops — from the earliest stages of foetal life. Genetic and biological factors play the key role here. Parenting style, feeding method, screen time, even diet, do not cause autism.
What they may influence is something else — how the child copes. A calm, predictable environment full of acceptance helps a child on the spectrum to function better. A stressful, loud, chaotic one makes it harder. But that does not mean that anyone “caused” autism. Dear parent — you are not to blame.
If you carry guilt within you, please, set it down. It will not help either you or your child. What will help you both is curiosity, empathy and wise support from specialists.
Myth four: autism only affects boys
For a long time, statistics seemed to confirm this — diagnoses were given four times more often to boys than to girls. Today we know that this proportion was largely the result of girls being (and still being) underdiagnosed.
Why? Because girls on the spectrum very often use a strategy known as “masking”. They observe peers, copy their behaviours, learn social scripts by heart, practise the smiles and reactions that the environment expects of them. Internally, this costs them an enormous amount of energy — but on the outside, everything looks “fine”. Difficulties appear only when their resources run dry: in adolescence, in a new school, after a change of environment. And it is precisely then that the girl — often a teenager, sometimes a grown woman — finally receives a diagnosis that for many is both a shock and a relief (“at last I know why I’ve spent my entire life feeling I have to try harder than everyone around me”).
If you are the parent of a girl whose behaviour worries you — sensory hypersensitivity, rigidity around routines, difficulty in forming deeper friendships despite apparent sociability, withdrawal after a day in preschool — do not dismiss the possibility of the spectrum just because “this is a male diagnosis”. That is not true. The spectrum has no gender.
Myth five: you can’t see autism
I usually hear this sentence from two kinds of people. First — parents who reject the suggestion of a diagnosis because “the child looks completely normal”. Second — adults who do not believe other adults that they are on the spectrum, because “they don’t look like that”.
You can see the spectrum. You just need to know what to look for.
You can see it in small things: in how the child reacts to a change of plan for the day. In them covering their ears or running into another room when there is noise in a shop. In their favourite play being lining up cars in a perfect row — and any change provoking despair. In them speaking to us, but as if past us, not seeking our gaze. In the same joke not making them laugh twice in a row, because there is no longer any element of surprise. In the favourite cartoon being watched for the fiftieth time, while the forty-ninth was still “too new”.
These signals are not in themselves a diagnosis. A diagnosis can only be made by a team of specialists after full observation and interviews. But they are a first step — a sign that we should look at the child carefully and not dismiss the topic out of hand. Because a child who receives support early has a much easier start in life than a child who has to grow up with a sense that “something is wrong with me”, without knowing the cause.
Dear parent — trust the specialists
I know that the topic of autism is surrounded by a great deal of fear, uncertainty and contradictory information on the internet. I also know that if it concerns your child, every sentence such as the ones above weighs a tonne.
So please — do not be alone with it. Teachers, psychologists, special educators, early intervention therapists — we are all playing for the same goal and have the same aim: the wellbeing of your child. In our preschool, we try to be both a place of growth for families and a first point of conversation about what worries us. You can always come, ask, talk. No one will judge you. We will help you find a direction — whether through patient observation, or by referral to a specialist.
The earlier we start talking, the more we can do. Together.
This text is based on a short educational video I recorded for the Instagram profile of the 7 Dwarfs Preschool and Nursery. Watch the reel on Instagram →