In our preschool, once a week in each of the older groups, something happens that we adults take very seriously — Social Skills Training. In Polish, abbreviated as TUS. For the Children, it is one of their favourite sessions. For us — one of the most important in our entire offer. Because in TUS we practise what is hardly practised anywhere else in preschool — the ability to function in a group.
This sounds like something obvious. After all, the Child is in a group every day, from eight in the morning until five in the afternoon. What more is there to teach? In fact — a great deal. Because “being in a group” and “functioning in a group” are two entirely different things. The first comes from biology. The second — from training. The second does not arise on its own.
In this article we want to tell what specifically happens in our TUS, what the Child learns there, why this matters far more than it seems, and what you, as Parents, can pick up from our work and use at home. Because while TUS is called “skills training”, in essence it is training for life. And life begins in a group.
What TUS is
Social Skills Training is a therapeutic method originally introduced for work with children with social difficulties — children on the spectrum, children with communication difficulties, children after difficult experiences. Over time, when its effectiveness was noticed, it began to be used more widely — in schools, in preschools, in typical groups. Because it turned out that what TUS teaches is useful to every Child.
In our preschool we run TUS in selected groups — Mędrki, Elfy, Skrzaty — in cycles adapted to age. These are structured sessions, led by a trained pedagogue, on a fixed weekday, in a fixed format. Each session has its theme, its sketch, its game, its summary. The Child enters this very quickly, because the structure gives them a sense of security — they know what to expect, when there will be play, when there will be talk, when there will be reflection.
The basic goals of TUS, listed in our educational documents, sound rather dry: developing social skills, refining cooperation in a group, shaping adequate social responses. But behind each of these terms hides a vast field of specific abilities. And in our sessions each of them gets its moment of attention.
Cooperation that does not arise on its own
Let us begin with what is most often misunderstood in the name of these sessions. “Cooperation in a group” sounds like something that simply happens when you put several Children next to each other. Unfortunately, no. If you put several Children next to each other without any structure and ask them to cooperate, what you will most often see is the simultaneous but entirely independent activity of several individuals. Each does their own thing. Sometimes they collide. Sometimes they ignore one another. Cooperation — in the sense in which we would like to see it in an adult employee, a team member, a project group — requires specific abilities.
You have to be able to listen to others. You have to be able to wait your turn. You have to be able to give up your own idea if the group has chosen another. You have to be able to come to an agreement when there are two different ideas. You have to be able to notice that someone in the group needs help. You have to be able to ask for help when you need it. Each of these abilities is a separate piece of work. And cooperation is only their sum.
In TUS we practise them one at a time. In some sessions we focus on listening — we play “Chinese whispers”, in which a Child has to repeat what they heard from a friend, exactly as they heard it. In others we practise waiting — we play a game in which each Child must wait until everyone has taken their step. In yet others — negotiating. We have two ideas about where to go for a walk tomorrow. How will we choose one? By majority vote? By drawing lots? By compromise? Every decision is an opportunity to learn.
Looking at it from the outside, one could get the impression that these are trivial games. They are trivial. But it is precisely in this triviality that their strength lies. Because a Child who has practised in a group a hundred times how to come to an agreement when there is disagreement — will, on the hundred-and-first occasion, do it without effort. It will enter their bloodstream. And when in first grade of primary school they need to come to an agreement with their group during project work — a Child with TUS behind them will do it better. A Child without TUS — will only just be learning, in harder conditions, with poorer feedback.
Social responses — what “adequate” means
The second pillar of TUS is “shaping adequate social responses”. This concept is worth unpacking, because it is fundamental.
An adequate response is one that fits the situation. That is — when someone praises us, we say “thank you” (rather than retreating in embarrassment or boasting). When someone offends us, we react proportionally (rather than bursting into tears or throwing fists). When someone in the group cries, we approach with help (rather than ignoring or mocking). When we want to join the play, we ask (rather than forcing our way in).
Each of these responses is obvious to an adult. But for a preschool-age Child it is not obvious. The Child has to learn them. And they learn them by observation, imitation, trial and error. In the chaos of a typical preschool day, this learning happens incidentally — and usually effectively. But for some Children, “incidentally” is not enough. Some Children need additional, structured training. And that is exactly what TUS serves.
In sessions we play out scenes. What do you do when you want to join other children who are already playing? What do you do when someone takes your block? What do you do when you see a younger child crying? What do you do when the teacher reprimands you? Every scene is played out in the group, discussed, sometimes replayed in another variant. The children learn to recognise their own emotions, name them, regulate them, choose specific strategies of response.
This is an extraordinary form of learning. Because the Child for the first time in their life begins to have tools they did not have before. They can choose how to react. They can look at themselves from the outside and notice that they have several options. This is the first step to emotional maturity, the fullness of which is reached only in adulthood — but whose foundation is laid right here.
An atmosphere of respect — the invisible ingredient
There is one more element of TUS whose role is often underestimated, and which for us is absolutely key. The atmosphere of respect.
In TUS there are no stupid questions. There are no stupid answers. There are no “wrong” answers for which a child could feel ashamed. Every reaction, every utterance, every decision of the Child is treated as material for joint work — not as a test in which the Child can pass or fail. A Child who in TUS says they do not know how to react — will hear, “great that you are saying it, let us look together at what the options are”. A Child who in TUS behaves unexpectedly — will not be reprimanded. They will be invited to reflect.
This tone does not arise on its own. It requires specific work from the pedagogue running the sessions, who must show the Children — and at the same time the teachers participating in the sessions — that here, in this format, everyone has the right to make mistakes. And that a mistake is not a problem to hide, but an invitation to learn.
This atmosphere transmits to the Children. After several months of TUS we see that our older groups themselves begin to use this tone outside the sessions. When someone does something awkward, instead of laughing — they ask, “but why like that?”. When someone does not know how to react, instead of pressing — they suggest, “do what seems right to you, and I will help”. This is a level of relationship rarely seen in a school class. With us it appears as a side effect — a very welcome one — of our work.
Why this matters beyond preschool
Here we want to be specific with you, because this is a question that comes up often. “Does my Child really need TUS? They cope well socially.”
In our view — yes, it is needed. And not because without TUS the Child will have difficulty. But because with TUS the Child will have an advantage. Because adult life — regardless of how it unfolds — will be life in a group. In a family. In a school. At work. In a project team. In a parents’ association. In a neighbourhood community. Wherever the Child will function as an adult, they will function in a group.
The ability to function in a group is, in the 21st century, one of the most important life competences. Every study of what determines a person’s success in adult life — happiness, career, relationships — shows the same thing invariably: not IQ, not technical skills, not education. But what sociologists call “social intelligence” or “relational competence”. People who can function with other people are happier and more successful. Period.
This competence, like everything else, can be trained. And — like everything else — it is best trained in preschool age, when the brain is most plastic and when every interaction leaves the deepest trace. A Child who at five has learned to wait for a friend, to listen to a girlfriend, to come to an agreement on a contested matter — enters school with a foundation that their schoolmates without TUS will not have. This advantage will stay with them for years.
What a Parent can do at home
TUS in preschool is one piece of this work. The other — equally important — is the home. Because the Child is in a group not only in preschool. The Child’s first and most important group is their own family.
The first practice — board games. Together. With adults and with younger siblings, if there are any. A board game is the cheapest, simplest and most effective training of basic social competences. You have to wait your turn. You have to lose with grace. You have to win without bragging. You have to play fairly. All of these TUS competences get practised then almost as a side effect. Half an hour of play three times a week — and the Child has at home a natural, continuous TUS.
The second practice — joint home projects. We bake a cake together. We plant plants together. We tidy the garage together. Each has their part. Each must synchronise with the others. Each has a weaker moment — and then someone else helps. These are exactly the same competences as in TUS, only in real-life framing.
The third practice — talk about social situations. When the Child tells you about something that happened in preschool, instead of judging right away, you can ask: “And what would you do if it happened again?” Or: “What other options were there?” These questions trigger in the Child the same mechanism we practise in TUS — reflection on social responses, awareness that there are different options, choosing the best.
And the fourth practice, the most important one — being a model for the Child. Because the Child observes. They watch how you react when you are upset. They watch how you talk to your partner, to a neighbour, to the shop assistant. They watch how you resolve conflicts. And what they see in you is encoded in them more deeply than any TUS. We practise in preschool — you model at home. Together we work.
What this is all for
Because the Krasnoludki who finish preschool with us walk into first grade of primary school with something that for us is the most precious gift we can give them. They walk in with the ability to be in a group. With an ability that cannot be quickly built nor easily caught up — and whose meaning in their life will be enormous.
We know that our Krasnoludki will turn out differently in life. Some will become programmers, others actresses, still others doctors, others tailors, others teachers, others farmers. Each will find their place. But in all those places — without exception — the ability to function with other people will be needed. The ability to listen. The ability to come to an agreement. The ability to cooperate.
We hope that our graduates, when in adult life they face some difficult group situation — at work, in the family, in the community — will carry in their head a quiet trace of their childhood TUS. A trace that will whisper to them: I have already been in a group. I know how to listen. I know how to wait. I know how to come to an agreement. I will manage this too.
Because learning through play is what the Krasnoludki love most. We adults know that learning through play is also the only learning that really stays for a lifetime.