In our preschool one of our favourite moments looks like this. The teacher walks up to the Child and says, more quietly than usual, as though inviting them into a secret: “Come, I will show you Someone. Someone for whom you should always be the best friend. Someone in whom you must always believe. Always stand by them. Look after them. Love them. Come, I will show you the most wonderful person in the world.”
The Child follows the teacher. They walk together across the room. And then they stop in front of a mirror. And the Child sees there — themselves.
This moment is, for a teacher, one of the most important in the entire year. Because what is happening in the Child’s head at that instant is the foundation on which their entire adult capacity for love will be built. Love towards other people. Towards a partner. Towards their own children. Towards themselves — in those hard adult moments when no one is loving them. That is when it will turn out whether the Child has learned to be a best friend to themselves.
In this article we want to talk about something that in Polish culture is often unspoken, unnoticed, and sometimes treated with suspicion — about loving oneself. About self-acceptance. About being one’s own most loyal friend. Because this is the topic that decides the rest of the Child’s life. And which no one outside their closest circle can teach them.
Why this topic is so hard
Polish culture, as we have already mentioned in our earlier texts, is a culture of modesty. This is a beautiful trait — but it has its shadows. One of the greatest of these is that in our tradition we rarely tell a Child openly that they are wonderful. That they are valuable. That they themselves are enough.
A Child raised in a Polish home often hears the opposite — “do not boast”, “be humble”, “do not stick out”, “be modest”. The best parents in the world repeat these phrases with the best of intentions. Because they themselves were raised that way. Because they know that a child who praises themselves is not always well received by society. Because they want to protect their child from pride and from rejection.
The result, however, is different from what was intended. A Child who systematically hears “do not boast” learns that speaking well of oneself is improper. And then, as an adult, they cannot even, in solitude, think well of themselves. Because if it is forbidden to say — then it is forbidden to think. And if it is forbidden to think — then it is forbidden to feel. And the adult Pole carries inside a constant doubt about their own worth, which no therapy can overcome.
In our preschool we are aware of this inheritance. And we do everything we can to break it. The point is not to raise a child with pride. The point is to raise a Child who knows themselves, respects themselves, treats themselves like their best friend. Humility and healthy self-acceptance coexist beautifully — contrary to what old intuition suggests.
The mirror as a pedagogical tool
That funny moment when we lead the Child up to a mirror has its own concrete pedagogical source. The mirror is one of the most underestimated tools in working with Children on self-acceptance. Because the mirror shows. It does not speak, it does not judge, it does not lecture. It only shows.
A Child who stands before a mirror and at the same time hears from an adult that they are about to see in it the most wonderful person — is in a very particular situation. On one side they look at themselves. On the other — they hear words that have told them that they are this most wonderful one. These two pieces of information must come together in their head. This is the moment when the Child, from the construct “I am a person”, which they already have, adds the layer “I am a person who is valuable”.
The Children’s first reactions are different. Some laugh — shyly, awkwardly. Some make funny faces. Some look serious and stay silent. One waves to themselves, another sticks out their tongue. Each of these reactions is, for us, material to work with. Because each shows how the Child currently copes with looking at themselves. Some Children look themselves calmly in the eye. Others look away. Others do something to dodge the seriousness of the moment. These are tiny signals that tell the teacher where, with this particular Child, work is to be done.
We repeat this ritual regularly. Not daily, not insistently — so as not to lose its weight. But every few weeks, at the right moment, when in the group we feel the need. And every time we see that the Child reacts differently. After a year or two of such invitations — a Child who once looked away now looks calmly into the mirror and smiles. This is a small, tiny, invisible change — which in their adult life will be reflected a thousand times.
”Always stand by them”
One of the elements of our ritual — in our view the deepest — is the phrase “Always stand by them”. Because this is exactly what a Child has to learn in relation to themselves. To stand by themselves.
What does it mean? It means: when someone else speaks badly of you — remember you are on your own side. When someone else judges you — remember that your opinion of yourself matters more than their opinion of you. When on a hard day everything falls apart — remember that you have within you an inner ally who walks with you through it.
This is exactly the stance that adult psychology calls “the inner good parent” — the voice in our head that is understanding, supportive, kind, the way a good parent was good in childhood. An adult who lacks this voice — carries instead a voice of a critic, which torments them for every mistake, every failure, every imperfection. That adult is their own greatest enemy. And no matter how nice their outer life looks, on the inside they suffer.
In our preschool we do everything we can so that the Child finishes their time with us with an inner good friend in their head. With a voice that says to them, when things are hard: “Calm down. You are the most wonderful person in the world. I am on your side.” That voice should not be the teacher from preschool. That voice should be the Child themselves. Our invitation to the mirror is an invitation for the Child to begin saying these things to themselves.
What we are really teaching: not pride, but trust
Here we want to be specific with you, because we know that some Parents, hearing the words “the most wonderful in the world”, may worry. “Will we not raise a Child who thinks they are better than others?” That is a fair question. We answer honestly.
No. We will not. Because “most wonderful” in our ritual has a very specific meaning we try to convey to the Children with every repetition. “Most wonderful” does not mean “better than others”. It means “for myself — most important”. This is an entirely different statement. Every Child is, for themselves, the most important person. This does not mean they do not respect others. On the contrary — a Child who is most important to themselves understands better that for every other child — that child themselves is most important. This is the foundation of empathy.
A Child who learns this in preschool behaves quite differently in the school class than one might fear. They do not boast. They do not show off in front of others. They do not put down their peers. They are simply calmer in themselves, more confident, less driven to seek praise. Because they no longer need it from outside. They already have it within.
This is a paradox that astonishes many Parents. A Child taught to love themselves paradoxically becomes less self-centred. A Child who cannot love themselves paradoxically circles constantly around themselves — because they keep trying to prove to themselves that they are valuable. This movement can be seen in adults — narcissism, constant display, the mania for praise — is not a symptom of excessive self-love. It is a symptom of its absence.
Specific practices in our preschool
The mirror is our favourite tool, but not the only one. Working on the self-acceptance of the Child runs through most of our sessions and interactions. We list a few specifics.
The first practice — praising the specific, not the person. We say “well done, you painted that dot precisely”, not “well done, you are so talented”. The first form praises the specific — the Child learns that certain actions have value. The second form praises the person — the Child begins to think that their value depends on praise. The first builds healthy self-acceptance. The second builds dependence on others’ judgments.
The second practice — we let the Child make mistakes. This is one of the hardest pedagogical exercises. Because the adult instinctively wants to fix, help, make easier. We grit our teeth and let it happen. A Child who comes upon the solution to a problem on their own, even after the twentieth attempt, receives from themselves a confirmation no one else can give them. “I did it myself.” This is priceless.
The third practice — we notice their inner world. We ask Children what they feel right now. What they think. What they fear. What they want. We treat these questions seriously — meaning we listen to the answers, do not value-judge them, do not try to “fix” the Child’s emotions. A Child who is heard by adults learns that their inner life matters. And if it matters — that means they themselves matter. This logic operates automatically in the Child’s brain.
The fourth practice — we let the Child choose. Daily. What to eat, what to draw, where to sit, what to play. Every small decision is a training in the importance of the Child themselves. A Child who has agency — knows that their life is theirs.
The fifth practice — we consistently use a language that shows the Child’s value. “Thank you”, “I am sorry”, “please” — in our preschool we direct these words to the Children just as seriously as to adults. We never forget them in the rush. We never shorten them. Because a Child who hears that an adult thanks them also hears that they are a fully valuable person whose help is appreciated.
What a Parent can do at home
The first practice — your own ritual. It does not need a mirror. It can be any repeated gesture. As you put your Child to bed, please tell them every day: “You are the most wonderful person in the world. I love you.” Not occasionally. Daily. For years. This gesture will lodge in the Child’s brain as a permanent deeper structure. The adult who, in a hard moment, hears in their head a voice saying “you are the most wonderful” — will have something with which to walk through that moment.
The second practice — restraining criticism. Polish culture trains us to criticise. We criticise automatically — others and ourselves. Please notice how often you criticise the Child for trifles. “Not like that”, “not so”, “do not say that”, “do not do that”. Every such correction leaves a mark. Please try one week without criticism. Hard. But it will visibly change the Child.
The third practice — receiving the Child’s mistakes as learning. When the Child breaks something, when they make a mistake, when they do something wrong — your reaction is, for them, a mirror of their own value. A reaction in the style of “nothing happened, you will learn next time” builds self-acceptance. A reaction in the style of “the same again, how many times do I have to repeat” — builds shame. The choice is yours. And so are its consequences.
The fourth practice — positive memories. Please tell the Child what you see good in them. Specifically. “Do you remember how you helped grandpa with the shopping? That was very good.” “I saw how you drew a card for grandma. She was happy.” “I love how you laugh.” These sentences are, for the Child, material out of which they build a picture of themselves. Each of them will remain in their head for years.
And the fifth — being a good friend to yourself. This is a practice we can pass only to you, the adults. Because the Child learns, above all, by observation. You are, for them, the model of an adult. If you criticise yourselves, put yourselves down, ignore your own needs — the Child sees this and remembers. If you respect yourselves, look after yourselves, treat yourselves as important people — the Child also learns to treat themselves that way. This lesson goes through directly. Without words.
What this is all for
Because our Krasnoludki walk into adulthood with something that cannot be bought. They walk in with a voice in their head that says to them: “I am on your side. You are the most wonderful person in the world. I believe in you.”
This sounds like a sentimental formula. Maybe it is. But behind it stands specific, hard pedagogy. A Child with such a refrain in their head enters first grade differently. Enters first love differently. Enters their first failure differently. Enters their first great life decision differently. And enters adult loneliness, when it comes — because it will come — differently.
Because even when no one is around them, they have themselves. And since they love themselves — they are never truly alone.
In our preschool we teach Children to love themselves. This is, perhaps, the simplest thing we do. And at the same time the deepest. Because if this works — everything works. And the rest sorts itself out.